Episode 5: Eastwatch

Can we take a moment to laugh at the expression Jon Snow makes when he looks at a puppy please.

The episode? I liked it.

There was a lot of talking in this one. My favourite discussions in order were:

1. Tyrion and Varys. Commiserating about serving volatile Targaryens. Good chat, boys. Of course, personally I believe Varys was making Aerys paranoid and murderous purposefully; at least, book-Varys was, so his speech here, which was great, means nothing really. But maybe show-Varys is a decent guy.
2. Sam and the Maesters. Sam tries to convince people to do the right thing and it hits all the right notes. I forgot how much I like Sam. Go Sam!
3. Sam and Gilly. Gilly is passionate about learning and Sam is a giant baby. Also he interrupts Rhaegar/Lyanna marriage proof. That’s what happens when man-babies scream over women about how dissatisfied they are with their lot and how annoying the woman talking is to them: important shit gets silenced. I’m sure that was the metaphorical point of that.
4. Jaime and Cersei I. Jaime tries to get Cersei to see reason in a patient and temperate way. ilu, Jaime.
5. Jaime and Cersei II. Jaime gets teary-eyed because she’s pregnant and is planning on announcing that he’s the dad AWWWWWWWWWWWW ILU JAIME OMG
6. Sansa and Arya. Sansa’s like, “You think killing people will make them like you but it doesn’t. It just makes people dead.”
   Now that is the reunion I’ve been waiting for. Arya is so, so wrong, you guys, and I love it. I love that she’s wrong. I’m concerned that the show is going to kind of side with her but so far it looks great.
7. Jon and Gendry. They geek out about the dads they had even though they never acknowledged them. That was cute and fanservicey. I’ll take it.
8. Davos, Jon, and Gendry. Davos wants the young men to listen to him and stay alive. He is legitimately the best.
9. Tyrion and Jaime. AWWWWWW TYRION!!!!! OK I love both of the Lan boys so much.
10. Dany and Jon I and II. Dany and Jon I is them being nice to each other for once. Dany and Jon II is Jon wishing her fortune in the wars to come like the patronizing moralist he is. Their chemistry is growing on me a little bit. Must be because Jorah is back to witness it and I hope he WITNESSES IT. DELICIOUS, DELICIOUS JORAH AGONY.

That was the best Little Finger scene in a while. I’d like to believe Arya is playing him right back. But probably not.

Discussions I didn’t like:

1. I take back anything nice I ever said about Bronn.
2. There wasn’t much, but I take it back all the same.
3. Seriously I wish Drogon had lit him up last episode.
4. This is what I hate about this show. There’s a genuine hero moment and then some cynical shithead shows up and mouths off about it. Except here, we’re supposed to be charmed by a guy who doesn’t care that people could end up all burned alive if Dany goes tyrant because he’s so street-smart. We’re supposed to laugh with him at Jaime’s legitimate concerns about the small folk, at Jaime trying to end the war. Fuuuuuuuuuuuck thaaaaaaaaaaaat.
5. The final chat between all the dudes who don’t like each other. The Hound needed to tell them all to shut up a lot earlier.
6. Can Tormund shut up forever about Brienne please? This gag makes me so mad. It isn’t funny or cute just because she’s not the typical object of desire for men. It’s not like, “Aww, see, some guy stares at her like she’s a piece of meat, good for Brienne, so she does actually have value.” Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck thaaaaaaaaaaaaaat.

THEORY TIME!

I have my own, brand new, crackpot theory that I just came up with.

I honestly don’t know if someone’s come up with this yet. I bet someone has. But before I dive into the web to find out, here’s what I came up with watching this episode, inspired completely by Gilly being cut off by Sam (seriously all my goodwill toward Sam evaporated during that scene, he was such a dick to her.)

What if it never comes out that Jon is Rhaegar and Lyanna’s legitimate son?

The only reason for it to come out is if Jon has to end up on the Iron Throne. Either on his own or next to Dany. But Jon doesn’t want that.

Jon emulates Ned like whoa. Yes, he thinks Ned is actually his father, but when he learns the truth what connection does he have to Rhaegar or Lyanna? And is this story really trying to teach us that the male succession for the monarchy is a super great thing? Really?

Wouldn’t it be so much more subversive if the book Gilly has ends up destroyed at some point, and if Bran never tells a soul? And then Howland Reed dies? And Jon just lives his life thinking he was the bastard son of Lord Eddard Stark and a mystery woman? And the true heir to the throne never takes the throne and never gets celebrated as the true heir but saves the entire realm without needing to know he’s the heir, just believing he’s an underdog bastard of the last great Warden of the North?

Well. I think so.

All right, next episode is number 6 but it might as well be 9 because we are almost done the penultimate season of Game of Thrones!