erm All right, let’s look at our predictions and see how off we were. We used strikeouts and bolded things that were extra wrong.
Jon
- Is he dead?
- No, he is not
- Will he be resurrected this season?
- Yes, by Mel
- What’s next for Jon?
He will learn his parentage from Howland Reed and brood about it
Jon’ll be learning, probably from Bran, and brooding, next season, we suspect.
The Wall
- Is that wall coming down?
Hell yes that wall is coming down
- How long will it take those shambling grotesques to take that wall down?
Probably 8.75 episodes
Here’s another thing waiting for next season. Probably the last scene of season 7 will be the Wall coming down.
Arya
- Will she die?
- No
- What’s next for Arya?
- She will leave the House of Black and White and return to Westeros to finish her list
Danaerys
- Will she die?
- No
- What about the Dothraki?
Drogon eats them
- Then what?
She has to go to Old Valyria according to that one prophecy
- … Then what?
- Judging by how long it takes her to do things, probably nothing.
She did stuff but she’s only just sailing to Westeros as we end the season, so…
Sansa
- Will she die?
- No
- What’s next for Sansa?
Queen in the North/Littlefinger-Slayer/Davos becomes her Hand of the Queen
Not entirely untrue, but since Jon got to be Queen in the North instead and Littlefinger is still alive…
Jorah
- Will he die?
Yes, before the opening credits
- Okay, but seriously though.
He has to die this season, probably horribly, and we can’t wait.
The WORST part of the season was when Dany told Jorah to go cure himself. Noooooooooo.
Tyrion
- Will he die?
- No,
but the dragons will try
- No,
- What’s next for Tyrion?
- He will mess up Meereen
and then rage quit
- He will mess up Meereen
He only sort of messed up Meereen, and didn’t rage quit, to his credit.
Ramsay
- Will he die?
- YES.
- When?
- Can’t happen soon enough.
Brienne
- Will she die?
- No
- What’s next for Brienne?
- She will be reunited with Jaime
and then sell him out to a certain reincarnated badass, we hope.
- She will be reunited with Jaime
Drogon
- Will he die?
- No
- What’s next for Drogon?
Eating tasty Dothraki
- Then what?
Enjoying fine music in Old Valyria
Man, no one’s ever going to Old Valyria.
Mormont’s Raven
- Will he die?
- No, especially since he’s not in the show
- What’s next for Mormont’s Raven?
- While everyone is busy fighting he will secretly run Westeros
CONFIRMED.
Cersei
- Will she die?
Yes, but only after “gold their shrouds” comes true. Sorry, Tommen.
- How does she die?
Probably Jaime but we’re gunning for Rickon (mainly because he’d be in the show again). Valonqar time.
Next season Jaime, looking like.
Ghost
- Will he die?
- Please, God, no.
- What’s next for Ghost?
- Join a band with Dolorous Ed as the drummer
Bronn
- Will he die?
- No
- What’s next for Bronn?
He will cease to be a character, we hope
Other worst part of the season: every time Bronn showed up.
Grey Worm and Missandei
- Will they die?
- No
- What’s next for them?
- Hopefully no creepy sex scenes because that’s where we’re headed
Theon
- Will he die?
- No
- What’s next for Theon?
Becomes the Greyjoy King which is a low honour at best
Theon read our list and decided to endorse Yara instead. Smart move.
Margaery
- Will she die?
- Yes
- How will she die?
- The Faith will inadvertently cause it
And Cersei will deliberately cause it, but, we’re still taking this one.
Varys
- Will he die?
- No
- What’s next for Varys?
- He will become a Pro-Targ villain
Basically.
Us
- Will we get mad about lots of things?
- YES. Namely about how annoying it is that the featured image for this post is a gif
We could say some things, like, wow, they’re doing a horrible job with the direwolves due mainly to budget constraints but that reality doesn’t temper our disappointment, and, yikes, as the endgame approaches it’s becoming a little easier to believe that we’re right when we say that D&D’s trademark cynicism is doing a quack job on some key thematic elements, but, that stuff can wait.
Until next April, then.
